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July 25, 2005
English 101
Nearly every person on the net is guilty of this and I've [I have] been noticing it with increasing frequency. Unless your domain suffix is two characters other than .us, you have absolutely no excuse. For the love of [insert prayer receptor here], how hard is it to understand the differences between "they're," "there," and "their" as well as "your," "you're," and "yore?" Here's a cheat sheet for the unenlightened:
* "There" is a place. Unless you can go to it, do not use "there."
* "Their" denotes ownership. Unless the proverbial they can actually have the discussed object, do not use "their."
* "They're" is a contraction of "they are." Unless those known as they exist in the further described state, do not use "they're."
* "You're" is a contraction of "you are." As with "they're", unless you or your directed target actually are, do not use "you're."
* "Your" denotes ownership much as "their" does. Unless you, yourself, or your directed target own it, do not use "your." And PLEASE do not use "ur" as it simply makes you look and/or sound like a nine year-old imbecile when in fact you're [you are] a much older imbecile.
* "Yore" is a time period since past and only added for a tinge of mirth and to complete the "your" triad that "there" has. Unless directly preceded by the phrase "in times of", do not use "yore."
While the rules governing the English language are diverse, contradictory and often confusing due to being developed in times of yore [epoch], their [rules of English] use can greatly enhance the readers' comprehension of your [you possess] verbal soup. There [abstract place] will be much rejoicing the day you're [you are] able to read someone's prose without transcribing it into the English it was written in rather than [not "then"--another peeve] the random smattering of letters they're [they are] trying to pass off as cogent statements.
Here is the first step towards learning how to use the correct form of a homonym: cease use of all contractions. Only use the apostrophe for possessive forms. Doing so has the added benefits of reduced chances for error, breaking the use of "ain't," and clarifying the use of "its" [possessive] versus "it's" [it is].
Just say no to contractions until you are able to use the correct words when appropriate.
P.S., Feel free to pick on my grammatical style and any errors that may exist. I do happen to have a functioning brain cell or two remaining that I can and will devote to correcting mistakes in my diction.
Posted at 09:41 AM | Rants and Opinions | Comments (1)
July 18, 2005
Back in town
I returned from the trip to Ohio with only minimal blood loss. It was certianly an eye-openner and restored the truth to the axiom "lucky you live in Hawaii."
I have stared directly into the eyes of a red state where suburbia stretches beyond comprehension and it's probably an actual law to have an American flag or similar stars and stripes paraphernalia displayed on your: a) front door, b) front window, c) car, d) t-shirt, e) children, and f) dog. I wasn't aware that confirming one's loyalty was just a matter of $20 worth of red, white and blue. It's very much the band-aid approach of modern American society: appearance plays catcher to outfielder while substance just warms the bench.
There's a significant advantage to Hawaii not having a majority ethnic population. It really helps even out the stereotyping and bigotry that can breed so easily when the scales of prevalence are tipped so drastically.
Here's some observations in no particular order (cause that's the best kind of order).
- America is fat. They've never heard of a meat-free salad, or if they have, "child's portion" is a closer reality to what should be consumed.
- America is white, and I'm not talking about tans.
- There's a reason short-sleeved shirts were invented. Apparently the concept of wearing them in 90+ degree weather, however, hasn't caught on yet (see bullet point above).
- Non-standard street signs are not user-friendly and concrete roads only make for a constant drum majorette practice session.
- New York drivers really are more aggressive.
- Cleveland and Akron with NO traffic is even more bizarre than a thousand square miles of suburbia.
- The stereotypes about Canadians are basically true (which isn't a bad thing).
- The Canadian side of the Niagara falls are great... the American side = teh suxx0rz.
- One- and two-dollar coins are actually practical.
- Freeway/highway drivers obey five more traffic laws than Hawaii drivers, making the score 5:0.
- Chicago-Ohare airport isn't nearly as bad as Atlanta airport, much in the way that anal leakage isn't nearly as bad as explosive diarrhea.
- Fireflies are more like flies and less like fat moths with a cyalume light stick ass.
- Daylight Savings Time violates several laws of nature and/or optical physics.
Overall, the trip went well. It was more of a surreal experience than a vacation, but given that some of it was digitial detox, that was to be expected. I did meet a bunch of nice folks and got a very different taste of life. Nothing to evoke an epiphany but still rather interesting.
Posted at 04:17 PM | Life and Work | Comments (0)