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July 18, 2005

Back in town

I returned from the trip to Ohio with only minimal blood loss. It was certianly an eye-openner and restored the truth to the axiom "lucky you live in Hawaii."

I have stared directly into the eyes of a red state where suburbia stretches beyond comprehension and it's probably an actual law to have an American flag or similar stars and stripes paraphernalia displayed on your: a) front door, b) front window, c) car, d) t-shirt, e) children, and f) dog. I wasn't aware that confirming one's loyalty was just a matter of $20 worth of red, white and blue. It's very much the band-aid approach of modern American society: appearance plays catcher to outfielder while substance just warms the bench.

There's a significant advantage to Hawaii not having a majority ethnic population. It really helps even out the stereotyping and bigotry that can breed so easily when the scales of prevalence are tipped so drastically.

Here's some observations in no particular order (cause that's the best kind of order).

• America is fat. They've never heard of a meat-free salad, or if they have, "child's portion" is a closer reality to what should be consumed.
• America is white, and I'm not talking about tans.
• There's a reason short-sleeved shirts were invented. Apparently the concept of wearing them in 90+ degree weather, however, hasn't caught on yet (see bullet point above).
• Non-standard street signs are not user-friendly and concrete roads only make for a constant drum majorette practice session.
• New York drivers really are more aggressive.
• Cleveland and Akron with NO traffic is even more bizarre than a thousand square miles of suburbia.
• The stereotypes about Canadians are basically true (which isn't a bad thing).
• The Canadian side of the Niagara falls are great... the American side = teh suxx0rz.
• One- and two-dollar coins are actually practical.
• Freeway/highway drivers obey five more traffic laws than Hawaii drivers, making the score 5:0.
• Chicago-Ohare airport isn't nearly as bad as Atlanta airport, much in the way that anal leakage isn't nearly as bad as explosive diarrhea.
• Fireflies are more like flies and less like fat moths with a cyalume light stick ass.
• Daylight Savings Time violates several laws of nature and/or optical physics.

Overall, the trip went well. It was more of a surreal experience than a vacation, but given that some of it was digitial detox, that was to be expected. I did meet a bunch of nice folks and got a very different taste of life. Nothing to evoke an epiphany but still rather interesting.

Posted at July 18, 2005 04:17 PM | Life and Work

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